Nipple Touch

And I guarantee that if I spend five minutes with you, I will spend 4.5 of those minutes laughing at your tattoos. BAHAHA

What?!

I think he's trying to say that he does dangerous things sometimes?

Enter Rested

Sorry I've been slacking. Tinkerbell needs your applause in order to survive.

Second Knunckle

Probs Not

Tatos

Long, Tight Dresses

Creeptastic! Oh, did I mention he's married?

Check Out My Guns

There's just something a little unnerving about a person who puts this kind of thing on their dating profile.

Music Man

rdjmvhj i

Are You A Little Scared?

Why, yes. Yes, I am afraid of your outfit.

Love

Dude, Seriously?

I couldn't be making this stuff up.

Explosion of Plain

I couldn't decide which one to post.

Go Back to Shcool

Hothothot

Another Little Gem by Pizza Rolls

Sounds great!

Pizza Rolls Guy

Remember this guy? Well, he's back for more!

Fun Things ONLY

Beatuful Wemen

What is going on with this dude's teeth? It looks like he's wearing white strips or something.

Lost in Jesus

That's nice and all, but the wording of that quote makes it sound like the woman is Jonah and Jesus is the whale.

Let's Be Frinds!

Wooing Wizard

He added the sparkles. I added the hat and flower.

Guns and Poetry

General Help Wanted

Bussnis

Good luck!!

awoufnwaen

It's not important, anyway... right?

Nearly Any Reason

I've been sitting on this one for a while. The wording just cracks me up.

Good Story, Bro

Girl Special

Cherry Red

How did you guess?!!

Cat Fetish

Pretty sure he's not actually looking for a human companion.

-Submission by Amie

I'm a Genie in a Bottle, Baby

You gotta rub me the right way.

Grabby Hands

A burrito and some nachos, please.

FYI!

Oh, did I mention...

...that I like computers?

Gacebook

Wtf is up with the Geico photoshop job?!

Another Gross One

This guy sent me two normal-ish emails... and when I didn't respond, this. *shakes head*

Gross

Urine

I didn't touch this one. It was perfect all by itself. I'm really not sure if he is trying to make a joke or not.

Cupie

It's the hair.

Back for More

Remember this guy?

Well... I still have not replied. And he is still sending me messages. *sigh*

Hearse

Wateing

I Be My Self Person

Use Me

Go Back to School!

Well, for a little while, I have been compiling a list of misspelled and made-up words found on the profiles in which there is little else of interest. I filled up the back of the grocery receipt I'd been taking notes on. Hold onto your hats, folks.
Here it is:

• baught  (bought)
• adventually  (eventually)
• bottem  (bottom)
• intrist  (interest)
• couldent  (couldn't)
• agenst  (against)
• seriours  (serious)
• pleaes  (please)
• martiny bar  (like, a martini bar)
• maby  (maybe)
• bussy  (supposed to be "busy")
• pedastool  (pedestal)
• splended  (splendid)
• socialpathic   (sociopathic)
• paciant  (patient)
• experinced  (experienced)
• importent  (important)
• fealing  (feeling)
• spurm  (hahahaha sperm)
• madicens  (medicines)
• goutee  (heh, goatee)
• toung  (tongue)
• taist  (taste)
• constilations  (constellations)
• standerds  (standards)
• pepole  (people)
• collage  (he meant "college")

*I should note that I am fully aware that spelling mistakes happen. Even I make them! It's just hard to believe that these people made it through high school, let alone, college. Should I mention that I am a high school drop-out? Ah, I suppose we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I'm terrible at math.

Legal Route

I think this is a good thing?