Nipple Touch

And I guarantee that if I spend five minutes with you, I will spend 4.5 of those minutes laughing at your tattoos. BAHAHA

What?!

I think he's trying to say that he does dangerous things sometimes?

Enter Rested

Sorry I've been slacking. Tinkerbell needs your applause in order to survive.

Second Knunckle

Probs Not

Tatos

Long, Tight Dresses

Creeptastic! Oh, did I mention he's married?

Check Out My Guns

There's just something a little unnerving about a person who puts this kind of thing on their dating profile.